Revealed: Nine Worst Sexual Fears of Men and Women in Their Love Lives

In yet another interesting, insightful and educating piece, s*x therapists, relationship and marriage consultants, have shared their thoughts on the worst sexual fears in a couple's life.

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Sometimes in couples’ lives, s*x is spontaneous, such that there would be no time to prepare or plan ahead. It just happens; they enjoy it and before they could say Jack Robinson, it all ends.

 

At some other times, they plan for it, look forward to it, relish the thought of it happening, and it happens anyway. But, behind the fantasies people build around s*x, findings have shown that both men and women have some fears about their performance in bed.

 

These could even make them nervous, but these are fears they often don’t want to share with anyone, not even their partner.

 

Though, men may sound promising and appear fearless when it comes to sex, right behind that bravery, experts say there could be fears lurking behind. These are some of them and how to deal with them:

 

Fear of premature ejaculation:

 

Longer sexual intercourse does not only help men to enjoy s*x the more, it also boosts their ego. This means the longer they go, the stronger their confidence. Thus, according to experts, and a post on Times of India, the fear of ejaculating so quickly is one main factor that unsettles them during sexual performance.

 

From a study conducted by two scientists, Eric Corty and Jenay Guardiani, of Pennsylvania State University in the United States, satisfactory sexual intercourse for men should be between seven and 13 minutes.

 

Thus, if a man ejaculates before seven minutes, it could be deemed premature and such could erode his confidence. Notably, premature ejaculation has been linked to anxiety, stress, guilt, depression, hormonal problems, injury and side effect of certain drugs. And given the huge impact of this on couples’ sexual lives, there is a way out.

 

Experts have advised that people experiencing this sexual dysfunction could take a break or get themselves distracted (in the mind) when they are about to reach that destination or men could employ the relaxation technique, in which case, the wife could caress his scrotum when she feels he’s about to ejaculate. These are independent of the option of rubbing medically recommended creams and gels on the penis to reduce the sensation of the penis and make them last longer.

 

Fear of not satisfying the woman:

 

This factor is akin to premature ejaculation, but quite different. Findings have shown that it is every man’s desire to satisfy his wife sexually. But unlike women, men tend to reach orgasm faster, and once they ejaculate, they lose erection, become weak, lose interest and start feeling sleepy, at which time the woman may not have reached that destination, given that it takes them longer to get there.

 

Therefore, some men tend to be taunted by the fact that they may not be able to ‘deliver’ for as long as is necessary, thus the fear being discussed sets in. But there is a way out.

 

Experts have found that (some) women may not reach orgasm through penetrative sex because the nerves that should drive them to reach orgasm are not really in the vagina where they can be stimulated during s*x, but in the clitoris. Thus, instead of entertaining fears, stimulation of the nipples and clitoris are easier ways to satisfy them.

 

Penis size:

 

According to experts, this is another factor that erodes the confidence of men who find themselves in this situation. It leads to inferiority complex even among fellow men. And it is for this reason that some men resort to enlargement of their penis, so as to command respect and boost their confidence in the presence of their wives.

 

However, studies have shown that the size of the penis may not matter if ‘it’ is for conception, but it is a great deal when ‘it’ is for pleasure. When it is big, it would be able to reach the nerve endings in the vaginal walls. But as a way out, experts equally advise that rather than engage in unhealthy practices to enlarge their organs, men with small penis should discuss their fears with their partners and pay attention to what they can do with what they have.

 

Fear of not being up to task:

 

Out of the compelling need to satisfy their wives and make sure they are not comparatively disadvantaged, findings have shown that some men nurse the fear of not being able to ‘deliver’ as is expected of them. Thus, they wonder if they are doing it right, if they are not old-fashioned or if they are not wild or abnormal.

 

So, experts have advised that men should ask their wives what they think of them in bed, which could be a step towards a better experience between them subsequently.

 

Fear of being too demanding:

 

Given that men are moved by what they see, it has been observed that they are wont to make the first move. Even when they are fatigued, the woman’s appearance could put them in the mood. And according to studies, most couples have s*x twice or thrice a week. But findings have shown that men tend to exercise restraints if they feel they are becoming too demanding. And for those who have a timetable for sex, going outside the schedule could instil some fears or restraint.

 

While men tend to have these fears about their sexual performance, women also have theirs, some of which include:

 

Body appearance:

 

While men could be rattled by the size of their penis, women are often unsettled by what men could think of their body. Some women who spoke to our correspondent pointed out that the fears about their body could range from whether they are too fat or too slim, have saggy breasts  or not, do they smell good, does the v*gina emit any unpleasant sound during intercourse?

 

These reservations, according to experts, could hamper their disposition to s*x and their performance eventually, because they tend to want to avoid being embarrassed. As a way out, women are advised to discuss their fears with their husbands, ask what the man thinks about those issues, do they affect his enjoyment of the act and if they do, they could look for solutions together.

 

Fear of wrong perception:

 

One other thing that bothers women when it comes to sexual performance is what their husbands would think of them if they do anything unusual. For some who have not been sexually active, they tend to nurse the fear of being seen as passive in bed, and for the experienced ones, they think of how to exercise caution so their husbands don’t see them as wild in bed.

 

On this, experts advise that women should study their husbands to know if they would be receptive to the idea of experimenting with styles, so as to avoid sending a wrong signal.

 

A psychologist, Prof. Toba Elegbeleye, said cultural factors also come into play when talking about s*x. “The culture here could make women to be passive during sex, because that is the way it has always been, and so it might seem like a risk for a woman to go beyond that ‘norm’,” he added.

 

Fear of pregnancy:

 

For married women who are not interested in having a child at a particular time, it is a given for such women to have fears of getting pregnant before or during s*x, especially those who do not do family planning or use contraceptives.

 

It is also not impossible for those who use contraceptives to have such fears, given that doctors have warned that no contraceptive offers 100 per cent guarantee against pregnancy. Thus, women who are not interested in pregnancy tend to feel unsettled when they want to have s*x.

 

Anxiety attack:

 

Speaking on the fears exercised by men and women over their sexual performance, Elegbeleye, said anxiety attack is another factor that could dampen people’s sexual performance. He said, “It occurs as a result of low self esteem, coupled with some negative stories they might have heard about s*x'.

 

On the issue of low self esteem, imagine a wife telling her husband that he doesn’t know how to perform in bed. That man may not be able to do it well subsequently. That could ruin his self esteem, and that is part of the reasons why you see some married men taking to acts like masturbation, because they know nobody would query their performance. Once a man develops cold feet during s*x, that might be the end of it.

 

Elegbeleye also explained that when couples have issues to worry about, like inability to have a child or financial challenges, that could impair their performance. “This is because the worry could lead to stress and when you are stressed; your performance in bed would also take a hit.” He advised that couples should discuss their fears for a better experience.

 

Source: Punch

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This Post Was Published By: Tony Odijie

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