Funmi
Akingbade, a Punch romance columnist has penned down an interesting
piece for boosting their s*x lives of women after childbirth.
Caring for new born babies takes a lot of time and can sap you of the energy you used to devote to your husband.
Reclaiming s*x life after child birth is a challenge most couples
face. Although it is difficult, it is doable. The most important thing
is to have some reasonable expectations of yourself and your body and
you will get back into the s*xual swing.
Many couples have asked me over and again how they can get the
green light for s*x after having their baby. I need to say that before
you start post-delivery s*x, make sure you do not have any postpartum
vaginal discharge. Having s*x before the discharge stops can put you at
risk of infection.
Most new mothers can resume s*x from the fourth day after delivery
to the fourth week after delivery, regardless of whether they had a
v*ginal delivery or a C/Section. Some women need a lot of stitches after
childbirth and this can also put s*x on hold for a longer period.
Men must understand that it is not that s*x is totally forbidden
after child birth but the lack of sleep smothers many new mothers’ s*x
drive. And one of the biggest obstacles of resuming sexual activities is
the overwhelming fatigue that accompanies the care for the newborn. For
several months, most new born babies require feeding every two to three
hours round the clock.
According to research, it has been estimated that 30 per cent of
babies do not sleep at night and many cry all through the night. This
demand and lack of sleep can cause new moms not only to lose sexual
desire and sensation; it outrightly renders them powerless for s*xual
craving and pleasure.
Then again, the irony of a new baby’s demand is that it also has
its toll on the new father, which means lack of sleep also stifles the
s*x drive of new fathers. But most new dads are still interested in s*x,
even if they are tired. The point here is that men crave sex to help
them feel emotionally close to their wives and also to relax. Most men
can have s*x at a whim, while most wives need more than enough foreplay
to become aroused.
I usually tell married couples that one of the greatest, finest,
unsurpassed and best s*x facilitator is good and timely communication
between the couple. So, there is a need for the married couple to talk
with and to each other if either of the spouse is so tired and it is
affecting his/her sexual desire. In that regards, both of them could
fashion out other ways they could get rest and later get in the mood for
s*x. The wife could start by asking her spouse or any available
relative to watch the baby so she could take a nap. Also, both of them
could try to have s*x in the morning after they must have rested.
I also need to say this that after giving birth, the hormonal level
of the woman changes a lot. As a matter of fact, the oestrogen levels
decreases. This can cause lack of vagina lubrication, which may make s*x
less pleasurable and even very painful. But the lubrication issues
usually go away when the woman stops breast-feeding and also after the
menstrual cycle begins again. Aside from the low oestrogen, there can
also be the increase supply of protactine hormones. This is the hormone
that helps in breast feeding.
Many new mothers have reported cases of loneliness and feeling of
sadness, anxiety and irritation after childbirth. When such feelings are
not identified and dealt with, they do interfere with sexual desire and
may even persist for longer than the couples can handle. As much as
breast feeding is good for the baby and also good for the new mother to
bond with her newborn, it may also get in the way of a couple’s s*x
life. The act of constant nursing can make the breast feel tender, sore
or hurtful. And with this experience, many women may not want to be
touched there at all.
I usually tell married women that if they are worried and concerned
about the leakage or tenderness, they should try wearing bra during
s*x.
Also, the amount of energy spent in breast feeding and nursing a
baby can make a new mum feel like a baby feeding machine and also make
her feel emotionally unattractive and can even hinder s*xual feelings.
The truth remains that the body of a nursing mother changes inside
and outside. But how a new mother feels about her new post-delivery body
can have a very big impact on her feeling of s*xuality. Most women gain
so much weight in a typical pregnancy and many women get lots of
horrible stretch marks. A C-section can leave a scar formation and the
episiotomy can make the v*gina look so unattractively funny. All these
may make a woman think she cannot be ‘whole’ again and she may feel a
bit sad about her body.
But I need to tell many new mothers that in reality, your husband
is actually not viewing you the way you are viewing yourself. While you
are devaluing yourself, he is actually adding much more value to you for
the joy of making him a proud father and so on.
I would also say that you can still engage in some moderate
exercises and also watch what you eat. Do not shy away from trying on
new s*xy lingerie that can cover some new problematic areas.
Vagina delivery may have also over-stretched the v*gina walls,
which can decrease friction and reduce sexual enjoyment. But it would
take some kegel exercises and pelvic wall exercises to help here for the
muscle tone to return to proper proportion.
It has also been discovered that lack of interest in s*x after
having a new baby from either both the new mother and father could be
more than just physical. There may be some issue going on in the
relationship that may need to be examined. You both may need to ask
yourselves, ‘what is making us uncomfortable with s*x?’
A common feeling may actually be resentment at being stuck with the
baby all alone at home by yourself, changing diapers, nursing and
looking unattractive while your husband goes outside the house and
spends time with friends. Or it may be the fact that the husband was
present in the labour room at the birth of the baby and seeing the baby
come out of the vaginal becomes an issue he can’t bring himself to agree
with, making him to view the vagina as not the s*xy object he used to
cherish again.
Finally, I always advocate for couples to try and explore all other
alternatives. Please remember that s*x is not just about intercourse;
s*x is also about pleasuring each other and there are many ways to do
just that. Have you both considered oral s*x both for the man and the
wife? How about manual stimulation or erotic massage for intimacy? Even
if or when you are not feeling s*xual, you must try to connect with
yourselves by kissing, hugging, holding hands or cuddling.
And if you will, please don’t ignore this – you both have to
schedule s*x. The reason being that the first year with a newborn is
very physically and emotionally demanding and many married couples may
have to realise their s*x life may not be the same as it was before the
baby arrived. However, most sexual issues women experience following
childbirth improve within the same year.
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